englisches Motivationsschreiben für Master (Life Science)

[Jonnie90]

Hallo,
ich habe hier mal ein englisches Motivationsschreiben für den Masterstudiengang Life Science erstellt. Da mein Englisch noch nicht perfekt ist, würde ich mich für eure Hilfe sehr freuen.

Letter of motivation


Dear Sir or Madam,

I am passionate about studying Life Science, because it is the best fit for my interests and future career. Since my focus has increasingly centered on infection biology, I would like to continue my studies in the graduate program Life Science.
I hold a bachelor of science degree in biomedical science from the University of xxx, where I did my internship in a BSL2 security laboratory at biomedical research center for six months.
In my bachelor thesis I did research on a new method for vaccine production, using recombinant influenza viruses. The cell passage, infection as well as the cloning of genes under a sterile workbench required a responsible and careful operation. Especially the teamwork inspired me very much, as we coped with the same good coordination several tasks. I also extended my English and computer skills during my studies in particular during the preparation for my thesis, which I presented to the College in English. Additionally, in my free time I spend time on learning English and improving my skills in data processing.

Trained as a chemical-technical assistant I have also profound knowledge in analytical methods like HPLC, GC, TLC and KF titration. In my project I tested fruit acids on marketable products to characterize their purity an active ingredient content. This has broadened my practical skills especially in the UV / Vis spectroscopy.

The University of xxx is my first choice for my stay due to the variety of courses especially in microbiology they offer and their international reputation for excellence. I am confident that I would flourish in that environment and I would be honored to be part of your Master’s in Life Science. Please let me know if you would like any additional information and I am looking forward to a personal invitation.

Sincerely,

[TheGuide]

Nach der Diss. (engl. PhD) noch ein Master?

[Jonnie90]

Achso, nein das war meine Bachelorarbeit.

[TheGuide]

Ist das nicht dann eine B.A. Thesis?

[Jonnie90]

Ja ich habe es korrigiert.

[Laptoptasche]

Go see your university's career service. This letter can't be fixed on a msg board...
It shouts "non-native speaker" and more importantly fails to achieve the goal of a letter of motivation. Describe your career goals and how this specific degree program will allow you to advance them.
Furthermore, people like to predict a candidates potential based on past successes.
Advice I got on this ages ago by a very senior academic: if your LoM doesn't make you blush from embarrassment, you've been too modest and understated your achievements and aspirations.